Every Friday morning, when I'm surfing the new movie reviews and I flip over to Ebert's site, I'm always a little surprised to see a new review for some movie that came out back when he was sidelined by cancer. Atop each of these retro reviews -- which I think I own the copyright on -- he affixes the following simple tag: "Doubling back to pick up some titles I missed while ill." This past Friday, he panned Spider-Man 3, giving it a weak two-star review. He cites his displeasure with the film's lack of a compelling villain and goes into detail about his problems with the symbiote, which he didn't enjoy at all. He also doesn't like Mary Jane anymore.

Children of Men and the Dixie Chicks documentary Shut up and Sing have both been retro-awarded high marks -- I agree with the latter verdict. The Fountain, a movie that was on my top ten list of that year, is mildly panned although what's most interesting about the review is that Ebert spends much of it musing on the concept of a retro review in itself. "Although as a doctoral candidate in English I was advised to be familiar with the existing criticism on a work before venturing to write my own, as a film critic I am usually writing before other reviews have even been published," he writes.

The Lives of Others and Zodiac get four stars -- Ebert's been a little too generous with the four star rating since his return, by the way -- while Grindhouse is panned for being "an attempt to recreate a double feature that never existed for an audience that no longer exists." I haven't pinned down the exact dates that Ebert was absent, so I have no idea how long his retro-reviewing will go on, but it's fun to read.

Spider-Man 3
The many flaws of Spider-Man 3 have been well-documented: The elevated cheese factor, the overabundance of baddies, that absurd 10-minute stretch of song, dance and unsightliness where it suddenly feels like we're watching some strange mash-up of Willard vs. The Mask... But it's not like this is a bad movie. Underwhelming compared to its pair of astonishing predecessors? Sure, but still entertaining enough for a Sunday afternoon slouchfest. Yes, a movie that costs $250 million (or more?) should make our eyes pop and our remaining senses tingle (and possibly even leave us a craving a cigarette and a shower afterward), and Spidey 3 has moments of such bliss. Its single biggest flaw is that when it needs to get really dark, it gets really hokey -- perhaps catering to a younger audience, but losing a whole lot of credibility in the process.

Talk to Me
About a month back we ran a feature speculating (guestimating, too) over early Oscar contenders, and a few of our readers astutely inquired, "Where the f*** is Don Cheadle?" Our bad. Cheadle does indeed deserve to be part of the discussion in the Best Actor race, as crowded a field as it looks this year. Shoot, even Cate Blanchett wants in. Cheadle begins chewing the scenery faster than you can say Chiwetel Ejiofor as Civil Rights-era radio talk show host Ralph "Petey" Greene in this honest and engaging portrayal. Also thoroughly impressive -- and who I wish would also get mentioned in awards chatter -- is Taraji P. Henson. The Hustle & Flow breakout has a vibrancy about her to match Cheadle at every turn, AND she's got a killer Afro to boot. Though unexpectedly conventional at times, the film is a rare treat for folks who appreciate thoughtful yet feel-good, socially relevant entertainment.

• On asked how we could score one of those 'Stark Industries' hats, "Well, you can go back in time, and work really hard on the movie and ... I shouldn't have worn it, I know."
• "It was a challenge to decide which one of his many costumes to go with. The red and gold was a given, but there are a number of incarnations throughout the film."
• The classic red and gold armor in the film is based somewhat on the Adi Granov's artwork from the (really great) Iron Man series 'Extremis.'
• When asked how many of the actors were attached for sequels, he replied. "All of 'em." They're in multi-picture contracts, which seems to be the standard these days.
• "What I love about the Iron Man villains is, yes ... you could call a lot of them goofy these days, but the truth is they're all tech-based villains, just like way Hulk has all gamma-based villains, and Spidey has genetically altered villains. I love the tech aspect to it, and you'll start to see some of that in this film."
  
• "We're working on an animated Iron Man series right now." It even includes Unicorn!
• How different are things at Marvel Studios, now that they are independent? "Well, other than the fact that we're signing the checks now, things aren't that different."
• "There's only been a handful of times where I would have done something different [on the films] ... Elektra." He says this one in a deep voice, and I have to agree with him on that one.
  
• They currently have scripts in development for Captain America, Thor, Ant Man, Dr. Strange, Submariner and more.
• When asked about the negative fan reaction to Spider-Man 3, he said, "It was the biggest movie of the summer, I'm pretty pleased with it ... my favorite thing was watching people react to that birth of Sandman sequence." Granted, that sequence was cool. But did he see the rest of the movie?!

Sony has accused the Walt Disney Company of bending the rules in announcing the box office totals for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. The main issue in question is whether Pirates 3 or Spider-Man 3 brought in the most gold doubloons over its first six days of worldwide release. Sony spokesman Steve Eltzer is claiming that At World's End opened in at least two areas on the previous Tuesday, which would add a seventh day of grosses to what Disney announced as a six-day record. Disney is claiming "we had previews that generated $1.4 million. And in keeping with industry practice, we rolled it into the opening day." I, Patrick Walsh, am claiming that if these people would put as much work into their movies as they do into arguing about insanely trivial financial records, moviegoers would be a hell of a lot happier.

Sony opened Spider-Man 3 on a Tuesday in some territories overseas and announced a "six-day opening record" of $232 million. Disney announced its "six-day opening record" of $251 for Pirates. And both have been grumbling and bickering back and forth ever since. "While there may or may not be other territories that opened prior to Wednesday, we believe that as more day-and-date releases enter the market, there should be a consistent standard in international box office reporting," says Eltzer. "This issue is larger than an opening-week box office statistic." Hear hear! Way to focus on the truly important issues, boys! This is a sad day indeed. I thought Hollywood was supposed to be a world of magical entertainments and childlike wonder, and now we come to find out that these people seem to be most interested in ... money? Who knew?

So is it just me, or is the summer movie season off to a crappy start? Oh the numbers are big with both 'Spider-Man 3' and 'Shrek 3' breaking box office records, and 'Pirates 3' is sure to do some record busting of its own. But aside from 'Shrek 3' (which I liked a lot), 'Spider-Man' got caught in his own web of emo B.S. and 'Pirates 3' ... just blows. But I'm not giving up the ship just yet (or limiting my high expectations to indie fare). I have super high hopes for 'Knocked Up' and I actually think that 'Transformers' might rock the house.

But in the meantime, matey, here's my take on this weekend's wide releases. Oh, but first ... What do Captain Jack Sparrow and Colin Farrell have in common? They're both searching for booty!! (Ba-dum ching!) And what do you call a pirate who poses for Playboy? A Play-matey! Thanks, I'll be here all week.

OK, here we go. Yes, that's right, the much anticipated finale of the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' series sails into theaters.

(Announcer voice) Last time on 'Pirates' ... If you remember, at the end of 'Pirates 2,' Lord Cutler stole Davy Jones' heart and Captain Jack was sent to Davy Jones' locker at the end of the world. Now, Captain Barbossa, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann lead the crew of the Black Pearl to the world's end to rescue Jack Sparrow and to find the Pieces of Eight to reunite the Pirate Council of Nine to fight against Cutler, Jones and the entire East India Trading Company armada.

It's kind of amazing how well the team behind Fourth Installment of the Indiana Jones Adventure has kept information about the film from the press. "Steven (Spielberg) thinks we can keep the whole thing a secret," George Lucas said in a brief interview Monday night. "I explained to him that it's impossible nowadays. We can't live like that." Lucas had no problem opening up about some other upcoming projects, both having to do with Star Wars. He is currently preparing another series of Clone Wars -- the popular Star Wars animated series. In addition, Lucas will make two more live-action films set in everyone's favorite galaxy far, far away. These films will likely be an hour each, and will air on television, though he doesn't know on what channel (The Sci-Fi network?). Says Lucas of the films, "they won't have members of the Skywalker family as characters. They will be other people of that milieu." Very interesting...

Lucas got a little catty in the interview as well, when asked about the 2007 Summer movie season. He's seen nearly everything, because his company -- Industrial Light and Magic -- did special effects on nearly all of the big flicks except Spider-Man 3. Lucas joins what seems to be most of the commenters on this site in not being much of a fan of Spidey's third outing. Says Lucas, "It's silly. It's a silly movie. There just isn't much there. Once you take it all apart, there's not much story, is there?" Oh, George! "People thought Star Wars was silly, too," says Lucas. "But it wasn't." So there's nothing silly about any of the Star Wars films, Beardy? Nothing? The new Clone Wars is scheduled to air in 2008, and the live action Star Wars adventures -- said to take place between Episodes III and IV --are set for 2009.