In these supposedly progressive times, gender equality is one of those touchy issues relegated to the last paragraph of a trend piece nobody reads. When Katherine Heigl suggested to Vanity Fair that Judd Apatow's movies were sexist, the assertion came across like an after-the-fact shrug of acceptance. Ever the galvanizing provocateur, New York Times critic Manohla Dargis confronts the issue head-on with a thorough analysis of the gender bias in this year's summer blockbusters.

With "Iron Man, Batman, Big Angry Green Man" and other massive expressions of virility invading the box office, female roles appear to be relegated to the back of the multiplex. Dargis touches on the rumors that Warner Bros head Jeff Robinov believes no woman has been able to sell a movie since Julia Roberts (a point that Natalie Portman might contest, but not Paris Hilton) before sizing up numerous upcoming studio releases, with particular attention paid to Anna Faris, "who could be the next Judy Holliday but without the right material will, alas, probably end up the next Brittany Murphy." It's the kind of pronouncement that hits you in gut.

I almost wrote up a fan rant this week about Paris Hilton. After a paragraph, I realized that I was stating the obvious and backed away from it all. See, she recently had an interview with MTV/VH1 where they actually noted that it was a "word-for-word" transcript in case you didn't believe it. The discussion started with Christine Lakin (her Nottie co-star) trying to explain what a primary was. Irk #1, not having the slightest clue about the political process -- and not even potentially remembering any bit of schooling I assumed she had. Why am I surprised? I don't know.

From there, it went through a bunch of b-s, and then we get to Irk #2. Farts came up, and when asked: "So, Paris, even when you're at home by yourself, you don't occasionally let one rip?" she responded with: "No! Girls don't do that. Ew." Oh yes, that's right. Our skin is always perfect, we never fart, we don't grow excess hair, and when we go to the bathroom, it's just to powder our noses, not to deal with anything unsightly. Good lord. Is it wrong of me to want to send over some flatulence fiends to torture her for days with dutch ovens?

Anyway... I need a little reassurance that the world isn't doomed when women like Paris are popular, so this double feature is about women who discover their brains and put them to good use. They're both blonde, and both have lots of success, so Paris, this is me hoping that there is still hope for you, and giving you a hint about where to start: a double feature of Clueless and Legally Blonde.

Variety reports that Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga (The Departed) have joined the cast of Dark Castle's Orphan. In a nod to Bad Seeds everywhere, the film focuses on a young couple (Sarsgaard and Farmiga) that have recently lost a child and decide to adopt a young girl to fill the void. Of course, nothing is ever that easy and the girl "is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be". David Leslie, a relative newcomer, wrote the screenplay based off an idea by Alex Mace. Already signed to direct is House of Wax helmer, Jaume Collet-Serra. Serra started off directing TV commercials and music videos, and Wax was his first big-budget production. Orphan seems like a definite step up for Serra; when your casting pool goes from Paris Hilton to Peter Sarsgaard you must be doing something right.

Sarsgaard has already completed the Philip Roth adaptation Elegy with Penelope Cruz, and is wrapping up work on two more literary adaptations. First up is In the Electric Mist; based on James Lee Burke's novel about "A detective in the deep South is led into a series of surreal encounters with a troop of Confederate soldiers" and Michael Chabon's The Mysteries of Pittsburgh. Farmiga is currently filming Nothing But The Truth, a political drama with Kate Beckinsale and will next star in a literary adaptation of her own called The Boy in The Striped Pyjamas for Mark Herman (Brassed Off). Orphan is set to start shooting next week on location in Toronto and Montreal, Canada.

While they might be all sorts of succulent and tasty, poultry gets the crappy end of the slang stick. The chicken is the coward, and instead of a platter signifying all things delectable, turkeys are considered the foolish and often useless. To top that off -- when turkeys hit the celebrity realm, well, they're usually also box office bombs. In honor of our never-ending love of celebrity gossip, train-wrecks, and disaster stories, I present you with seven tasty turkeys in honor of our upcoming turkey day. Many are just a gross waste of potential, and some, I'm sure you'll agree, don't even have half the potential that studios give them credit for. Whatever the reason, they're all riding the stinker train.

Gobble, gobble!


Paris Hilton

She's mocked by many, loved by few, but Paris Hilton seems to be able to outlast even the little train that could. Prison didn't stop her, and neither do crappy movies. Working backwards: Pledge This! was so very bad that it's pretty much off the radar; the same goes for Bottoms Up; House of Wax did alright, but doesn't hold the moviegoer love; and, which Hillz? Yet somehow, somewhere, she got cast in Repo! The Genetic Opera!, which let her loose on the streets of Toronto to gripe over sex tape woes. We keep waiting for her to fall, or go away, but I'm starting to think that this super-skinny turkey is here to stay. She's like one of those inflatable boxing stand-ups that somehow swings its way upright each and every time.

Rogue

I don't care how many times they push it back, or how much potential for hackneyed disaster there is in a film about a killer crocodile -- I'm looking forward to Rogue, mostly because there was a lot that impressed me about Greg Mclean's debut film, 2005's Wolf Creek. For one thing, it was bold enough to defy several horror cliches, such as foreshadowing dread in the early scenes -- the first thirty minutes of Wolf Creek could be part of an Aussie road drip dramedy, with three aimless kids taking their rickety car way too far into unsafe areas of the Outback. It's also a film that's completely unrelenting in the psychic trauma it wants to inflict on the audience. By the time the slaughtering starts, we know these characters -- we care about them. Frankly, Mclean seems like he'd be completely bored with making a standard slasher/monster film with paper-thin characters. Therefore, I'm going to be first in line for his killer croc movie, and wait for my enthusiasm to blow up in my face.

Friday the 13th

I have no idea if this will get to theaters by late 2008, but I know that Platinum Dunes does have the gears grinding, so it's a possibility. In fact, a little birdie recently told me something hilarious -- Corey Feldman went in and pitched himself as the star of this thing. For those who don't remember, Feldman played Vorhees foe Tommy Jarvis in two installments of the original series, and he apparently had designs on making the Friday remake his newest comeback vehicle. There's really nothing you can do with Jason at this point other than remake him, but how? Word is that PD wants the remake to feature both Jason and his trademark mask -- two elements that didn't congeal until Part III of the original series, so I'm imagining a smelting together of the first three films, set in modern day and with a lot of in-jokes. I guess it will be a film about a little boy who drowns in a lake and immediately morphs into an overgrown, lumbering killer with a machete. Sounds intriguing.

For months I had been checking the Once More with Feeling Sing Along rss feed, waiting for the word "Toronto" to pop up, eternally hopeful that at some point I'd get some Buffy with a taste of Rocky Horror. Those dreams were dashed when the project got into hot water, but now there's something to dull the pain of this loss. Yes, fellow Buffy fans, footage from Repo! The Genetic Opera has been released, and it's got some great shots of a singing Tony Head, which have sent me into a fangirl glee. To refresh your memory -- this is the genetic repossession musical that first got Paul Sorvino and Alexa Vega, and then followed with the surprise casting of Paris Hilton, and then gave us a wonderful Giles cherry when Head joined the cast as the Repo Man last month.

The song clip was screened as part of the 2007 Scream Awards, and now part of it has popped up online over at YouTube. But have no fear -- even if it gets taken down, you can see it with a much better resolution tomorrow night when the Spike channel airs the awards at 10 PM. If the clip is any indication of the whole, this should be a pretty big and successful movie. It's got a sort of dark, metal, industrial feel, and the part that is online shows Head getting ready to take back some body parts, collecting his surgical instruments and throwing on an ominous costume while belting out some lyrics along with other fellow cast members. Oh, the beauty! And oh, how I wish I could watch this sucker be put together. Bloody Disgusting, however, did (lucky b*stards!), and has been gathering a decent collection of information. But best of all - we won't have too long to wait to see it -- the movie is set to be released on April 25 of next year!

[via Horror-Movies]

It's Wednesday, and you know what that means -- time for The Write Stuff! This week Cinematical spoke with screenwriter Captain Mauzner. Mauzner has an interesting perspective on screenwriting because he's written two major films based on true events and actual people. He co-wrote 2003's Wonderland -- the story of the infamous "Wonderland Murders," which starred Val Kilmer as legendary porn star John Holmes. And he wrote last year's Factory Girl, the tale of Edie Sedgwick (played by Sienna Miller), Andy Warhol (Guy Pearce), and a Dylanesque "Musician" played by Hayden Christensen. We spoke about Mauzner's scripts, process, and the trickiness of writing scripts based on fact.

Cinematical: Are you working on anything right now?

Captain Mauzner: I am working on something right now, yeah. I'm adapting a book. It's a small book, it's called The Food Chain, by Geoff Nicholson. A friend of mine runs a small company and I'm adapting it with the hopes of directing it. It's kind of about food, sex, and cannibalism. Revenge, food, sex, and cannibalism.

Cinematical: Well, alright!

CM: It's a little dark comedy. It's fun. And what was nice about it was -- I've written so many things and a lot of them are true life stories, and they all seem to be about kind of deplorable human beings. And I think that my comfort zone is really kind of in the dark side -- the drug addicts, the deviants. And I think that as I've kind of gotten older and left that world myself, I guess you could say I've become less and less interested in it. You see these movies like Wonderland and Factory Girl and you could say "oh, they're like an argument against doing drugs." But I know for myself, there's always a glamorizing element to it. And as much as you want to say this is the downfall of these people, which it is -- and obviously there's nothing glamorous about the drug lifestyle, or the party lifestyle because it does lead to bad things. But just the act of writing about it or making these the main characters or trying to explain these people, I feel like that somewhat glamorizes it, or at least in my mind it was very glamorous. I had a very romantic notion, at like 14-years-old I discovered Bukowski and I was kind of off to the races. So I think that as I get older I'm ready to move on to maybe something light and happy. My family's always like "Why can't you write something that we can take Grandma to?"

Cinematical: So do you find when you're writing about drugs and debauchery, that you're not looking to condemn it and point a finger, you're just looking to present it and let the audience decide?

CM: Absolutely. I'm not looking to condemn it at all. I'm not looking to be moral about it. I believe in experimentation. I believe in doing kind of what you want and not having anybody else tell you what to do. I think that my fascination with it is always the "why." Why do people do this? I think that's kind of the fun of being able to do those kind of things is that you can live kind of vicariously through these people, and try to figure out the "why" without being judgmental.

Celebrities all over the place are going green. Every day there is a new eco story popping up. Cate Blanchett has become an environmental stickler in her home, with efforts that include installing 2-minute timers on on her shower. (This attempt is, no doubt, helped by the fact she has stylists and the like to keep her looking fresh.) There's Sarah Michelle Gellar who rides a pink bike around, and uses reusable bags for Whole Foods discounts. And some, like Adrian Grenier, coach others on how to be more green, like his tutorials for Paris Hilton. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees these stories and spots the imbalance between an actor's work and their personal causes.

The Telegraph posted an article yesterday calling Hollywood out on being one of the biggest polluters in soCal, whilst performing "eco-friendly gestures [that are] simply showy stunts that make little difference." It sites a two-year study performed by the University of California at Los Angeles, which found that production aspects like explosions and idling vehicles are only beat by the oil industry in regards to polluting emissions. But there's also the garbage -- the sets that get built and destroyed and everything else that's necessary to create a faux world.

Warner Brothers is finally starting to recycle sets, which is a plus, and other productions try to balance their negative environmental impact with positive action -- the Evan Almighty production planted "2,000 trees to 'zero out' its greenhouse gas production." But as Ed Begley Jr. says: "If you're going to drive around in a big ol' Hummer and then buy carbon offsets to mitigate that, that's like getting drunk on the weekends and throwing some money through the window of an AA meeting and thinking you're doing something." What do you think? Do the environmentalist acts of actors mean anything when they're in a resource-sucking industry? What can Hollywood do when it relies so much on energy and materials?

If you're still reeling from Britney Spears' performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last week, it might help to remember that it really was just the latest in a series of headlines calling out young celebrities for making fools of themselves. So, it was only a matter of time before someone decided to make a movie about it. The LA Times reports that independent film producer Joe Nasser is in pre-production on Hollywood Brats, an indie drama based on the so-called 'celebutards'. You might recognize Nasser from his work as the producer behind the somewhat sleazy Anna Nicole Smith biopic. Nasser is basing Brats on what he calls "the public record". Which I would think is no easy task considering the amount of half-baked gossip surrounding these gals.

According to Nasser, Brats will be "...all about these girls in Hollywood getting into trouble...You see them all go to jail, you see them get arrested, you see them go through trials and tribulations". Nasser says that he will use real celebrities in his story, but could not confirm whether it would be the 'unholy quartet' of Britney, Paris, Lindsay, and Nicole. My guess would be that he's waiting to see if anybody sues first. Although, Nasser seems confident that he won't be facing any legal action, saying, "As long as we stick to the truth, we're in good shape." Brats is scheduled to start shooting in Hollywood this October -- and then probably to a discount DVD bin near you. Hmm, unless you're willing to pay 10 bucks for something you get for free on Entetainment Tonight.

Now that Paris Hilton has served her time, we can all look forward to her moving ahead with her acting career. Despite the fact that she no longer has an agent, Hilton managed to win a part in Darren Lynn Bousman's Repo! The Genetic Opera. Bousman (Saw II, III and IV) and producer Carl Mazzocone (Boxing Helena) both claim that out of about 30 actresses who auditioned for the part Hilton was by far the best. And for those of you who enjoy her vocal talents as much as her acting skills, you'll be happy to know that she will be singing in the sci-fi-horror-musical. Hilton's character will be the daughter of Paul Sorvino's villainous "organ transplant magnate." Sorvino and Spy Kids' Alexa Vega were both cast last week, with Vega landing the role of a repo man's daughter. Perhaps Vega and Hilton will be friends in the film? And maybe the two can become BFFs in real life, too, and 18-year-old Vega can become the newest paparrazzi darling.

I don't know about you, but I'm now pretty excited about Repo! It isn't that I am looking forward to watching Hilton act and sing on the big screen, I just think the whole project sounds ridiculous, and I can't wait to see how it turns out. It could end up a big joke, or it could be enjoyable as a guilty pleasure or cult hit, or maybe it will actually be brilliant. What if Hilton's true calling is to be an opera singer? Of course, Repo! will not only feature opera numbers; there will reportedly be some rock songs as well. Last month Hilton told Larry King that she had two films lined up, but it isn't clear if Repo! was one of them. She will next be seen in The Hottie and the Nottie, which is due next year.

Okay, so who watched Paris Hilton on Larry King Live last night? It's okay to raise your hand, we won't judge. Heck, even more pathetic than Hilton attempting to re-invent herself as a bible-reading, anti-substance abuse spokesmodel was the fact that I actually taped the program. Yes, I attended a private screening of Danny Boyle's Sunshine last night and was unable to catch the show at its usual time. So what did I do? I taped it. [Stands up] Hello, my name is Erik and I'm obsessed with watching Paris Hilton embarrass herself. "Hi Erik!" Anyway, I still haven't had time to watch said show, but apparently Hilton mentioned that she has lined up two movie roles for herself this summer. Two! (As I wrote that, I could sense a group of struggling actors throughout the world silently beginning to plot the girl's demise.)

Two weeks in a minimum security resort was apparently "the most humiliating experience of my life," according to Hilton. A fascinating answer, considering she made a name for herself off a sex tape that spread faster than (insert your own dirty joke here). No word yet on which two films she's lined up (or when we can expect them to go straight to DVD), but she can next be seen as Christabelle Abbott in The Hottie and the Nottie. That film apparently revolves around a hottie girl (please don't say Hilton) who refuses to get married until she can find a perfect match for her ugly best friend. Aww, so sweet. Perhaps Hilton can next take the film around to various schools and talk about how ugly people deserve to have sex too. Call it community service ... Hilton style!

One of the best cases of cutting through the Hollywood BS in recent years was when Paris Hilton got shipped back to prison. Four days after going behind bars, the suspended-license, DUI driver was stricken with a serious medical problem that just could not be helped at the jail, or in a hospital, but at her posh home. Confinement in some wet, cold basement apartment somewhere I could see still being a punishment for her, but c'mon! It would be paradise to a large percentage of the world. Miraculously, she wasn't allowed to get away with it and was thrown right back in jail whilst screaming and sobbing. Moral of this story: don't think your money, prestige and attitude will let you get away with everything because if you ever get caught, many-a-people will be amused to see the tears as you go down. If you want a run-down of things, go here.

Now, to add insult to injury as she learns her hard lesson behind bars, her agency, Endeavor, has said hasta la bye-bye. Variety reports that the agency, which signed her in 2005, axed her the same day she was ordered back to jail, and they won't say why. Perhaps they felt short-changed when they saw her police car waterworks, thinking that she's been holding back all this time? I imagine it won't be too hard for her to find other representation, but maybe this experience were spur her onto causes more noble than sex tapes, barely-there outfits, DUIs and crappy entertainment. Or maybe not.

Remember when Anthony Michael Hall was the adorably dorky, scrawny little kid who wanted Samantha's panties? And the guy who wanted to kill himself with a flare gun because he failed shop? Well, the Anthony Michael Hall of the 21st century would kick that loser's ass! As we saw for the first time when he bullied poor Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands, Hall is now a freakishly large creature who also happens to star in USA's The Dead Zone, a show that's made him a star (at least among people who watch USA) once again.

The call of the silver screen remains strong, however, and Hall has started telling anyone who will listen about Life and Death in Las Vegas, a movie he wrote and is currently casting, with the goal of getting it in front of the camera by the end of the year. Apart from the fact that Hall is apparently trying to get Paris Hilton to play a role, the movie actually sounds sort of funny -- it's about "a bunch of people chasing an inheritance that they're all screwed out of by Wayne Newton." I mean, anything with Wayne Newton is comedy gold. Right?

Since I don't have a dog and I don't shop at Kroger stores, I apparently missed the news that the Walt Disney Co. has been selling Old Yeller brand dog food. A lot of it. Never mind the fact that if I did have a dog, I wouldn't feed it a product named for an infamously killed animal from an old film. Other people are into the idea, though, and now Disney is into the idea of further merchandising its brand into the pet food and accessory markets. First up, the company is planning for a cat food line (may I suggest Aristocats brand?) and a Pirates of the Caribbean-themed aquarium. And thanks to Paris Hilton and her penchant for playing dress-up with her Chihuahua, Disney wants to concentrate much of its focus on pet clothes and collars.

I don't know what is more surprising, that Disney execs are making decisions based on what they see Paris Hilton do, or that they've now discovered they can market pretty much anything. What is next after they take over the pet product industry? Honestly I think they could sell Bambi brand deer poop and people would buy it.

Supposedly Paris Hilton will not be in the Revenge of the Nerds remake, but she does star in a college comedy called National Lampoon's Pledge This!, in which she plays a senior student in a sorority filled with hot girls. The movie screened at Cannes last week for international buyers and Hilton is reported to have deliberately missed the premiere due to a dispute with the picture's producers. She has been quoted saying that she took the part with the promise that she didn't have do nudity, because she, "wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously." After the producers supposedly sneaked in extra scenes with other girls getting naked, she was too angry to attend the premiere.

Now I don't want to point any fingers and call anybody a hypocrite, so I'll only comment on the fact that Hilton thinking she'd be taken seriously by doing Pledge This!, nudity or not, is probably a better demonstration of her intelligence than we've ever witnessed before. And, anyway, if she was promised that she wouldn't do nudity but the movie features other girls baring flesh, what is the problem?

Well, other rumors are flying now that contradict her reasons for snubbing the premiere. There is a story circulating that she does in fact get naked in the movie, although from the way she's being quoted in these reports, I don't believe this to be true. It seems she told the British magazine Top of the Pops that there are, "lots of sexy scenes with me." Somehow that is being translated to mean she strips in the role.

Either way, you don't need this movie to see Paris naked -- she did another breast flash while shooting a music video just last week -- so I guess it doesn't matter.