Michael Bay's Rejected 'The Dark Knight' Script
Filed under: Action, Comedy, Fandom, Scripts, Comic/Superhero/Geek, Remakes and Sequels
Have you ever wondered what The Dark Knight might look like written by someone other than Christopher Nolan? Perhaps in your deepest, darkest, dissatisfied-with-Batman-Begins level of consciousness, you wondered what it might look like if tackled by another director. One who had more action movies on his resume. Someone like ... Michael Bay. Well, look no further. A few pages of his rejected script have appeared online, courtesy of Spill.com. I think one of my biggest problems with Nolan's Batman films is their absolute celibacy. Batman is a red-blooded American male in the comics; he romances many of Gotham's loveliest ladies. Rachel Dawes would never have been so coldly shoved aside in the comics -- and thankfully, Bay looks to be rectifying this. Plus, I really like his take on Dawes. She knows that she can be sexy and smart without being any less of a woman. And she isn't just a D.A. either! She's a skilled mechanic, and is able to fix the Batmobile when its owner can't. Just judging from the few pages, Bay has put her in the center of the action, and not relegated her to the sidelines like Nolan did.
All right, I can't really keep this up. You'll have to just go read it yourself and have a good laugh at all the talk of toned stomachs, beads of sweat, and AC/DC songs. And please, Mr. Bay -- don't hold it against us here at Cinematical. We have a Megan Fox gallery and we'll all go see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I promise.
[Thanks, Matt, for sending this to me.]
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-08-2008 @ 11:19AM
Eric said...
I just died Laughing!!!!! OH man this is so bad it's awesome!
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 11:19AM
Michael said...
The only thing the world needs less than a Michael Bay Batman film (or ANY Bay film, for that matter) is another term for Bush.
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 11:20AM
Ian said...
Absolutely hilarious stuff... strange thing is, if Michael Bay were to really write a script for it it probably wouldn't be too far off from this spoof one...
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 11:26AM
peter said...
i have a request. could the sarcastic posts be marked as such? i went into this with a feeling it was sarcastic, but not sure. then, when i started reading, it was pretty convincing that it was a joke, but i had no way to prove it. i think this one was pretty esoteric. you'd have to really know michael bay movies (i couldn't make it past the 30 minute mark in 'the Island' and i wasn't wowed by transformers) to understand.
Maybe a little *wink* *wink* at the end of a post or something?
just a thought
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 6:48PM
Lee said...
Agreed. It made the joke feel lame to not see it coming, too.
7-09-2008 @ 12:32PM
Moo said...
really guys? Isn't it a little funnier the other way?
And if you weren't able to tell from the cover page of the script that it was in jest well then
[JOKE]
you guys are slower than my grandmother. And she's been dead for 5 years.
[/END JOKE]*
*winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky* *winky*
*for the sake of clarity the above comment is meant in jest. It is not meant to insult anyone so please do not take it seriously. Moo shall not be liable for any claim, expense, liability or cost related to or arising out of anyone taking the above comment seriously. It is meant as a joke. Seriously. No wait, not seriously...
7-08-2008 @ 11:43AM
Mingus said...
"The Island" was 90 minutes of intentional product placement.
'Oh we have a character sitting a beer down on a table, let's zoom in and show the Budweiser emblem for 5 seconds.' I felt like I was sitting through a infomercial, I'm just glad I didn't pay for it.
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 12:08PM
Moo said...
HAHAHAHAHAHA
"Pyrotechnics erupt in the distance. Guitar solo."
"ok, I like it, but which one of the internets do we hack?"
"all of them."
:) good stuff.
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 12:20PM
Mr. R said...
Why didn't this get made! The one thing that might have damaged the Bay seal of approval is he couldn't turn Rachel Dawes into a 25 year old, thong wearing high school student. Also, he probably would have added flashbacks on Bruce Wayne's parents (played by Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara) being silly and fun. Also, he would have added a Robin who would add the comedic relief (best played by Seth Rogen) making constant remarks to the old time TV shows. Michael Bay, you are a genius, we don't need no stinkin' Nolan.
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7-08-2008 @ 12:34PM
Astin said...
"The camera zooms in and out on them, emphatically, a number of times."
Shades of Dr. Tongue's 3D House of Stewardesses! On Monster Chiller Horror Theatre! AWWOOOOOO!
You know this version would be in IMAX 3D exclusively.
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 1:06PM
Jonathan Kuhn said...
It's pretty much a given that if he made a Batman movie, that scene with the little kid reacting in the car would definitely be in there.
http://www.slowclapchildren.blogspot.com
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7-08-2008 @ 1:26PM
The Playlist said...
You guys actually think this script is for real??
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 1:34PM
Erik Davis said...
My favorite part was the way the explosions were written -- with one explosion and then an explosion inside another explosion and then one last explosion in slo-mo with tanks shooting out of it.
Classic.
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 2:30PM
AJ Wiley said...
Oh man, that was awesome.
And for the record:
I will NOT be seeing the next Transformers unless I am forced to, nor will I ever again voluntarily watch something with Michael Bay's name on it.
Reply
7-08-2008 @ 5:34PM
Batzarro said...
I laught at people who thought it was real. Come on, the very concept of Bay doing the sequel rather than the original is obviously a parody...
And a funny parody by the way. But where's the "Bad Boys" cursing?
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7-08-2008 @ 6:29PM
soulpopped said...
"...like the biggest f***ing missiles you will ever see..."
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7-24-2008 @ 11:46AM
travis said...
michael bay should of accepted the script to batman the dark night because all his movise are graet because i can't stop watching the texas chainsaw massacre the begining in's my favorite movie ian a really want to be an actor and if michael bay ever decided to make another texas chainsaw massacre i have so many graet ideas trabyss@hotmail.com plaese send me a message machael bay.
Reply
7-27-2008 @ 1:20PM
LEXI said...
HEATH LEDGER IS HOTT AND JOKER IS UNBELIEVABLEY AMAZING IN THE MOVIE
Reply