So last night I found out my identity was stolen. And not just by some kid who saw a number -- I'm talking a calculated group of thieves snatched up everything on me and used it to go to town. It's times like these where I wish I could kick ass like Jason Bourne; I wish I could hunt down these awful awful people one by one and force them to watch The Hottie or the Nottie for 17 days straight, non-stop. If you've never had your ID stolen, it sort of feels like being raped by the devil. I feel violated, I feel alone, and I feel like I need a hug. Actually, I feel like a naked Lindsay Lohan -- all doped up, looking for help, but not really sure where to begin or how to pick up the broken pieces.
And you think to yourself -- why would someone do this? Why are there people in the world who feed off screwing up other people's lives. And these people probably have families and friends -- some of whom may or may not know what's going on behind closed doors. Heck, some of them may even read Cinematical when they're not selling your social security number on the internet. And if you are reading this, Mr. or Mrs. Identity Thief, I want you to know that you haven't crushed my dreams of posing naked for Vanity Fair or New York Magazine at some point down the line. That will happen! Just not today. Because I've been on the phone with the bank wishing you a long and painful death.
But hey, we're live-blogging the Oscars this Sunday night! So check out how we're preparing for the big night right ... over ... here.
1. You have my condolences. Hope everything turns out okay for you and you are able to get things back on track.
ID thieves are scum and while I haven't yet fallen victim to the crime I have had a couple of scares and had to put out fraud alerts. It's a very scary and violated feeling that never really seems to leave you. You end up being overly cautious at times (I was worried that after winning one of the contests on this site I might actually be falling into the plot of some evil internet genius).
Good luck Erik
Posted at 4:36PM on Feb 21st 2008 by rex